1. Having different chore priorities around the home

Can you not go to sleep unless the kitchen sink is empty, the counters are wiped down and all the cushions in the living room are perfectly plumped? What about your partner? Maybe they like to sweep the driveway or make sure the entrance hall is looking orderly, with shoes and coats put away? We will all have different perspectives on what is a priority at home. We will notice different things, and this can cause conflict within our relationships. What matters to us, may not matter as much to our partners, and vice versa.

What to do about it: Make a list of the things that are most important to you, and ask your partner to do the same. You can then both commit to focusing on those chores for a week, and then the next week, swapping lists and focusing on your partners priorities. This helps us understand our partners, and also increases our ability and scope to what home making entails. 

2. When certain chores get done

Some people enjoy relaxing on the sofa after dinner or putting the little ones to bed, basking in some downtime, and having a moment to put their feet up. Other people, however, want to get all the chores done for the day, and then relax. If one person is sitting on the sofa, while the other is still working, this can create resentment.Likewise, some people view weekends as precious, and do not want to spend them in a supermarket or DIY store. They would prefer tackling those things in the evenings or during the week.

We can become very inflexible and rigid in our attitudes. Let’s face it, we like things done the way we want them, when we want them. Being in relationship with other people, however, can invite us tobring more flexibility and understanding to our approach. Perfectly timed chores aren’t the be all and end all, and we can try to be accommodating of ourpartners preferences. 

What to do about it: Having a weekly and monthly todo list, helps to look ahead at what needs to get done. Then popping things in the diary can minimise surprise excursions to IKEA, thwarted weekend plans or unrealistic expectations.

3. Being clean and tidy is subjective!

One person’s immaculate, can be another person’s worst nightmare. We are going to have different attitudes to what constitutes clean and tidy, and we can try not to be too judgemental about this. 

What to do about it: It’s useful to have some non-negotiables. For example, the kitchen and bathroom needs to be kept clean every day, the tidiness of the living room does not. Or plants need to be watered, but the dishwasher can be unpacked during someone’s lunch break. Allow yourself and your partner to find a groove that works for both of you. This will encourage teamwork and not add unnecessary negative associations to domestic activities.

4. Laundry isn’t just for special occasions

I have lost count of the number of people I have worked with who argued about doing the laundry. There’s something about laundry that can divide couples and people in relationships. It seems consistency really is key. Whilst there may be one person who uses more clothes than the other, you both will be using towels and bedsheets in much the same way.

What to do about it: As unsexy as it sounds, have a laundry day. Make it one day you both can agree on, and get it done. Do it together, or alternate weeks, commit to the routine, and accept regular laundry makes for a calmer, more organised daily life. (Extra tip: add a reward for you both at the end of laundry day. Maybe a bath together, making love, or pizza night. Whatever feels like a treat!)

5. Lack of balance and fairness 

We are all familiar with this. Feeling like we are doing the lions share, quietly seething; or guiltily skulking around the place, trying to get away with doing the bare minimum because we’re so exhausted. The home is a mutual endeavour, but it seldom feels that way. 

However, we can also be over focused on the effort we are putting in, and unknowingly disregard the efforts of our partners.

What to do about it: It’s a useful exercise to sit down and for you to write down all that you each do on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. It might surprise you just how much you both invest in the home.But it can also show any gaps or room for improvement, and you can divvy up what needs to be done more fairly. 

When we share a home with someone, we are given an amazing opportunity to run that home in a way that works for us. The atmosphere of our home is just as important as how clean and tidy it is, and by respecting and being communicative with our partners, we can help keep the atmosphere one of harmony, efficiency and contentment.

To learn more relationship strategies or general relationship advice, follow Charisse on Instagram @charissecooke

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