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In years gone by, a homemaker was deemed a stereotypical housewife who would stay at home all day and cook and clean around the house. That was her job while the men went out to work. However, fast forward a few decades and the typical household looks completely different. We are all likely to be performing a balancing act of career, kids and home life amongst other things. So how can we have it all?
By asking for help.
Sounds simple right?
But we all know that familiar feeling of fear, shame and judgement before we have even asked. These feelings tend to come from the pressure of us being seen as independent humans who are always in control, therefore by asking for help we are letting go of the control. It’s an unfamiliar feeling and our thought processes go into overdrive with negative thoughts that simply aren’t true. We think people will judge us as weak or incompetent or I would even go as far as saying lazy. Not only do we pass judgement on ourselves it is likely that we unconsciously pass judgement on others for seeking help as well as the fear of judgement by them. At this point our headspace is mixed with all emotions and we eventually get fed up and go back to the beginning where we think we should be doing this on our own.
In reality along with the overwhelm and fear we tend to fight another negative association to our productivity and that is procrastination. What is procrastination you ask? Well it’s the delaying or postponing of something. In my case I seem to find any other tasks or excuses to do instead of the ironing (for example.) I know I need to do it yet; walking the dog or cleaning the oven is anything better than doing the ironing. Sometimes procrastination isn’t a bad thing however in cases like this, we should re-evaluate what is causing us to do so and results in us being less productive. Instead, it might be, that to be more productive we do need some extra support to just get the job done.
Imagine what it would feel like to have the brain space or even the time to do something that you enjoy? It would feel amazing knowing that you can have an hour back to spend quality time with the kids or loved ones, or to give yourself a small break. By having the support of someone else to do a task, they can come in and objectively do the task in hand with no distractions. Sounds pretty good right? But how do we get to that place where we can give ourselves that much needed break?
Firstly acknowledging how we feel, this in itself is becoming self-aware. We are all human and I hate to be the bearer of bad news but we can’t do everything. Being self-aware is a positive thing; we are all too often in our own headspace which can lead us down to a dark path where we can become highly critical of ourselves. Taking a moment to reset and realise that you need help is a positive and a strength. Immediately you are pulling yourself out of that negative headspace into a clearer one.
Secondly, being brave and communicating that we need help. Now I am not saying that you need to scream from your rooftop but maybe assess what you need help with and break down into smaller tasks. If we look at life in general, how many tasks or situations do we manage solely on our own? Or do we turn to people who have stronger skillsets than us. For example if we want to get stronger or fitter we turn to a personal trainer. Or if our car needs an MOT or something fixed it’s very unlikely we will do it ourselves but seek the help of a mechanic. So why shouldn’t we be able to ask for help around the house?
We don’t have to do anything too drastic but all it takes is a conversation. Start speaking to friends or loved ones, by having a conversation with those around us, they may be able to help you or know someone who can. I can also guarantee that they will admire you for asking for help. It doesn’t have to be an extreme change such as a cleaner 5 times a week (although that might be quite nice). It might be that we start small such as having a cleaner that comes in for 1 hour a week or someone who comes and does your ironing (what a dream!) It’s these small steps that help us let go of the control and provide greater headspace for more meaningful tasks. If having someone else in your house is too big of a step how about asking your children or partner to help around the house? Everyone can do their bit and you could even make it a little game for the children.
To recap – here are three simple ways to start asking for help:
1. Become self aware – know what you need help with (give yourself a mental and physical break)
2. Communicate what you need – open up to those around you – a problem shared and all that
3. Start small – no drastic changes; start off by getting you partner and kids to help then go from there
In a time where we feel we need to have everything together and to do it on our own. It’s ok to still have it together but have support too.
Read more about the author here
In years gone by, a homemaker was deemed a stereotypical housewife who would stay at home all day and cook and clean around the house. That was her job while the men went out to work. However, fast forward a few decades and the typical household looks completely different. We are all likely to be performing a balancing act of career, kids and home life amongst other things. So how can we have it all?
By asking for help.
Sounds simple right?
But we all know that familiar feeling of fear, shame and judgement before we have even asked. These feelings tend to come from the pressure of us being seen as independent humans who are always in control, therefore by asking for help we are letting go of the control. It’s an unfamiliar feeling and our thought processes go into overdrive with negative thoughts that simply aren’t true. We think people will judge us as weak or incompetent or I would even go as far as saying lazy. Not only do we pass judgement on ourselves it is likely that we unconsciously pass judgement on others for seeking help as well as the fear of judgement by them. At this point our headspace is mixed with all emotions and we eventually get fed up and go back to the beginning where we think we should be doing this on our own.
In reality along with the overwhelm and fear we tend to fight another negative association to our productivity and that is procrastination. What is procrastination you ask? Well it’s the delaying or postponing of something. In my case I seem to find any other tasks or excuses to do instead of the ironing (for example.) I know I need to do it yet; walking the dog or cleaning the oven is anything better than doing the ironing. Sometimes procrastination isn’t a bad thing however in cases like this, we should re-evaluate what is causing us to do so and results in us being less productive. Instead, it might be, that to be more productive we do need some extra support to just get the job done.
Imagine what it would feel like to have the brain space or even the time to do something that you enjoy? It would feel amazing knowing that you can have an hour back to spend quality time with the kids or loved ones, or to give yourself a small break. By having the support of someone else to do a task, they can come in and objectively do the task in hand with no distractions. Sounds pretty good right? But how do we get to that place where we can give ourselves that much needed break?
Firstly acknowledging how we feel, this in itself is becoming self-aware. We are all human and I hate to be the bearer of bad news but we can’t do everything. Being self-aware is a positive thing; we are all too often in our own headspace which can lead us down to a dark path where we can become highly critical of ourselves. Taking a moment to reset and realise that you need help is a positive and a strength. Immediately you are pulling yourself out of that negative headspace into a clearer one.
Secondly, being brave and communicating that we need help. Now I am not saying that you need to scream from your rooftop but maybe assess what you need help with and break down into smaller tasks. If we look at life in general, how many tasks or situations do we manage solely on our own? Or do we turn to people who have stronger skillsets than us. For example if we want to get stronger or fitter we turn to a personal trainer. Or if our car needs an MOT or something fixed it’s very unlikely we will do it ourselves but seek the help of a mechanic. So why shouldn’t we be able to ask for help around the house?
We don’t have to do anything too drastic but all it takes is a conversation. Start speaking to friends or loved ones, by having a conversation with those around us, they may be able to help you or know someone who can. I can also guarantee that they will admire you for asking for help. It doesn’t have to be an extreme change such as a cleaner 5 times a week (although that might be quite nice). It might be that we start small such as having a cleaner that comes in for 1 hour a week or someone who comes and does your ironing (what a dream!) It’s these small steps that help us let go of the control and provide greater headspace for more meaningful tasks. If having someone else in your house is too big of a step how about asking your children or partner to help around the house? Everyone can do their bit and you could even make it a little game for the children.
To recap – here are three simple ways to start asking for help:
1. Become self aware – know what you need help with (give yourself a mental and physical break)
2. Communicate what you need – open up to those around you – a problem shared and all that
3. Start small – no drastic changes; start off by getting you partner and kids to help then go from there
In a time where we feel we need to have everything together and to do it on our own. It’s ok to still have it together but have support too.
Read more about the author here
