As a Professional Organiser, I regularly work with bereaved families. Whether the death is recent or some time ago, there’s likely to be a lifetime of belongings to make decisions about and organise. If the deceased person was previously a collector or had a reluctance to part with things, the task ahead can often feel overwhelming.

Bereavement support is undoubtedly one of the most poignant and rewarding aspects of my work. In our culture, death and bereavement are rarely spoken about, yet grief can be an intensely painful and lonely experience. To be invited into a family’s world during a time of great loss, I consider a huge privilege.

So when I work with families, as well as helping to organise physical belongings, there’s a large element of providing emotional support too. Decluttering following a death can evoke a mix of feelings, including sadness, longing,fear and regret. However, if conducted sensitively, and with a little forethought,it can also serve as part of the healing process too. Many clients come to viewit as an important step on the journey towards acceptance.

If you are bereaved, or supporting someone who is, here are some things to consider when decluttering a loved one’s possessions.

How soon is too soon?

This is a question I’m often asked, and there are no hard and fast rules. Some clients want to start decluttering a few weeks after the funeral and others have contacted me decades after the death. Every experience of bereavement is different and unique. There should be no pressure to declutter too soon or in a particular way. Unless there are external factors forcing specific timescales, I advise clients to wait until they feel both physically and emotionally ready. If external factors force quick removal, e.g., due to a house sale, it might be possible to put items into storage to be dealt with later.

Seek Support

Dealing with the aftermath of a death can be difficult, so if there’s someone who can offer empathetic support, it can make all the difference. When bereaved client first contact me they often say that they can’t face decluttering on their own, or they feel overwhelmed and don’t know where to start. What they need is someone to gently ‘hold their hand’, ideally a family member, or trusted friend. It’s also important that they don’t feel rushed through the process and if emotions arise, they are treated with sensitivity. Clients often want to talk about their loved one and share treasured memories, funny stories and anecdotes, so a kind,listening ear is invaluable. Grief is a messy process. Feeling sad one moment and laughing the next, is all part of it.

Consult With Others

Ask family and friends if there are any items they would like. Opinions can vary widely, from people who want to keep many items to those who want very few. Try not to make assumptions about preferences. I often find that seemingly insignificant items can hold a great deal of meaning. If there are many items for consideration – take photographs and share with those that are not present, to help them with decision -making. The grieving process can impact on executive function, so anything that bolsters this can save much time,energy and stress.

Decluttering Guilt

Complex feelings can arise when sorting through a loved one’s possessions - a common one is guilt. From my own experience of decluttering my late mothers’ things, I know that it can sometimes feel both intrusive and disloyal to sort through and make decisions about a loved one’s most personal belongings. I often pondered - Would she want me to be looking through her paperwork? Would she approve of my decisions?

So when I work with clients and similar feelings arise, I remind them that they are serving their loved one by performing this task – it is usually one of the last things we can do for the person we have loved and lost.

Donating

It’s a good idea to start by decluttering Items that have less meaning, as they are usually easier to let go. Once the process has begun,momentum and confidence will grow, which will make continuing much easier. For belongings no longer needed, donating to a worthy cause can give meaning to the person’s life. This is especially true if the charity was  held in high regard by the deceased person and family.

Touchstones

This is a term used by renown grief expert Julia Samuels to describe the key role that possessions can play in coping with the death of a loved one. ‘Touchstones to memory’ are things that can continue to give the bereaved a connection to the person that has died. It can be a favourite scarf, a watch or a favourite recipe book – anything that brings back positive memories of the time you had together.

Upcycling

If possessions carry sentimental feelings but are not practical for continued use, upcycling might be an option. There are many creative ways to rework clothing, jewellery and personal effects into something with renewed usefulness.

The fabric from clothing can be repurposed to make new outfits,cushions, quilts or stuffed animals. Memorial wind chimes and sculptures can be made from gardening and craft tools. Special Jewellery can be combined to create framed works of art or even melted down and remade into entirely new pieces. Even cremation ashes can be turned into jewellery, either by creating apiece with an inner cavity to store the ashes inside, or by incorporating as mall amount of ash into the jewellery itself.

Swedish Death Cleaning

Although often reticent when it comes to thinking about our own death, the Swedish concept of Death Cleaning has recently started to capture the imagination. The idea is that as we reach our elder years, decluttering our home and belongings in advance of our death will save family from this burden. I have worked with several clients in this way – they often refer to it as‘putting their house in order’. It involves a thorough declutter, making plans for what will happen to specific items of value or sentimentality, and ensuring that paperwork is organised and accessible.

As well as benefits for the period following death, it also makes a significant difference to their present lives. The home is more spacious and organised, there are fewer possessions to look after and everything that’s left is either wanted or needed.

Find out more about the author here