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When we think of a new mother’s love, we often think about the unconditional love that grows for her new child, but how often do we think about a new mother’s love towards herself. How to be gentle on herself, have chance to rest and still provide for a newborn.
The fourth trimester is a term coined to the first few months of a baby’s life, a transition time as they adapt to life outside of the womb. It is also a transition time for a new parent, to adapt to their new life as a parent – a sacred time, a challenging time. Society is used to talking about adolescence, and the changes and challenges this age group face, as hormones amplify. About the struggle to ‘find themselves’ in a world where they are not quite children, and not quite adults. We understand adolescents may need some extra support to navigate these changes. But how many of us understand the term matrescence; a time of hormonal and bodily changes as a woman feels the pull between the person she was before and the person she is becoming, a mother. How do we support women during this time and how can women support themselves during this time?
In many cultures around the world traditions are respected that aid women’s rest and recovery after childbirth. In China, a “confinement”period is respected where a new mother stays at home, and the women of the family rally to support the mother in taking on all household duties, bathing her and making nourishing foods; leaving her nothing to do but nurture her baby, and herself. In India, family support and give daily massages to the new mother. Here in the UK, and in many Western cultures, there is little understanding how to support new mother and the importance of doing so. Mainstream media often praise women for being up and out in their skinny jeans so soon afterbirth, and social media thrives on staged and filtered images of newborns and mothers, and their immaculate homes. Partners have two weeks of leave, if they are lucky, before having to return to work, traditionally leaving the mother with a new baby and the household burden. As a postnatal doula I strive to change this narrative and see society giving more time, respect, and understanding to the fourth trimester, and learning how to support new mothers– whether it be their first, second or tenth baby.
SO, how can a new mother respect this precious time, and show herself some self-love.
· Prepare for rest – in the later stages of pregnancy plan how to make rest possible. Create a list of everything that happens in the home every day/week; what is tidied, cooked, cleaned, washed, organised? Identify which of these things can be offloaded elsewhere; cleaners, food service, laundry service etc. and which can have lower standards for a period of time?
· Create an oxytocin filling space – Oxytocin (the love hormone) is vital in the early days for bonding and milk production. Think about what brings oxytocin, and aim to eliminate anything that creates adrenaline.Think about all the senses;
o Sight – photographs and art that bring happiness to see, a soft lighting bedside lamp, flowers and plants
o Sound – a TV to watch, a speaker for music or podcasts
o Smell – candles, flowers
o Touch – Favourite bed sheets, comfy pyjamas, soft blankets, extra cushions or pillows
o Taste - Snacks, large drinks bottle (that can be opened one handed!). A good bedside table so everything is within easy reach
· Give herself permission to rest – if creating time to rest is challenging, identify the one priority task to be done so rest can happen; whether it be the washing up done, a tidy counter top, toys tidied away.
· Create ways to fulfil self-love needs, with anew baby – jot down ideas of what can be done just for herself when she has 5minutes to herself or 30 minutes spare, and ideas of what can be done with a baby too.
And how to make all this happen? SUPPORT. The phrase “it takes a village to raise a child” is still thrown around, but in this modern world ‘the village’ no longer exists. Grandparents are working to an older age restricting their availability to help, and women often have babies at an older age meaning grandparents are older and less energetic when it comes to being hands on. We live further away from our families as job opportunities relocate us. This is why the support of a postnatal doula is an ever growing popular choice for parents.
Unlike a regular doula that supports through the birth, a postnatal doula focuses on life with the baby; helping to prepare for it and being an extra pair of hands through the early weeks and months of parenting.
As a postnatal doula, I regularly support parents in getting rest and a calmer home by using all the means described. I look after the parents and nurture them during this vulnerable time. I am passionate about nutrition playing a part in rebuilding the woman’s body, so regularly cook healthy dishes - ensuring a hot meal is ready on the stove and leaving the fridge stocked full of food, ready to grab one-handed. I become an extra pair of hands to help tidy and do all the extra washing those tiny humans make. I become a listening ear to soundboard things to, walking alongside the woman on her journey into motherhood holding no judgements or opinions.
So if you are expecting a baby, this Valentines day show yourself some self-love and look at booking a postnatal doula.
@mama_jojo_postnatal
When we think of a new mother’s love, we often think about the unconditional love that grows for her new child, but how often do we think about a new mother’s love towards herself. How to be gentle on herself, have chance to rest and still provide for a newborn.
The fourth trimester is a term coined to the first few months of a baby’s life, a transition time as they adapt to life outside of the womb. It is also a transition time for a new parent, to adapt to their new life as a parent – a sacred time, a challenging time. Society is used to talking about adolescence, and the changes and challenges this age group face, as hormones amplify. About the struggle to ‘find themselves’ in a world where they are not quite children, and not quite adults. We understand adolescents may need some extra support to navigate these changes. But how many of us understand the term matrescence; a time of hormonal and bodily changes as a woman feels the pull between the person she was before and the person she is becoming, a mother. How do we support women during this time and how can women support themselves during this time?
In many cultures around the world traditions are respected that aid women’s rest and recovery after childbirth. In China, a “confinement”period is respected where a new mother stays at home, and the women of the family rally to support the mother in taking on all household duties, bathing her and making nourishing foods; leaving her nothing to do but nurture her baby, and herself. In India, family support and give daily massages to the new mother. Here in the UK, and in many Western cultures, there is little understanding how to support new mother and the importance of doing so. Mainstream media often praise women for being up and out in their skinny jeans so soon afterbirth, and social media thrives on staged and filtered images of newborns and mothers, and their immaculate homes. Partners have two weeks of leave, if they are lucky, before having to return to work, traditionally leaving the mother with a new baby and the household burden. As a postnatal doula I strive to change this narrative and see society giving more time, respect, and understanding to the fourth trimester, and learning how to support new mothers– whether it be their first, second or tenth baby.
SO, how can a new mother respect this precious time, and show herself some self-love.
· Prepare for rest – in the later stages of pregnancy plan how to make rest possible. Create a list of everything that happens in the home every day/week; what is tidied, cooked, cleaned, washed, organised? Identify which of these things can be offloaded elsewhere; cleaners, food service, laundry service etc. and which can have lower standards for a period of time?
· Create an oxytocin filling space – Oxytocin (the love hormone) is vital in the early days for bonding and milk production. Think about what brings oxytocin, and aim to eliminate anything that creates adrenaline.Think about all the senses;
o Sight – photographs and art that bring happiness to see, a soft lighting bedside lamp, flowers and plants
o Sound – a TV to watch, a speaker for music or podcasts
o Smell – candles, flowers
o Touch – Favourite bed sheets, comfy pyjamas, soft blankets, extra cushions or pillows
o Taste - Snacks, large drinks bottle (that can be opened one handed!). A good bedside table so everything is within easy reach
· Give herself permission to rest – if creating time to rest is challenging, identify the one priority task to be done so rest can happen; whether it be the washing up done, a tidy counter top, toys tidied away.
· Create ways to fulfil self-love needs, with anew baby – jot down ideas of what can be done just for herself when she has 5minutes to herself or 30 minutes spare, and ideas of what can be done with a baby too.
And how to make all this happen? SUPPORT. The phrase “it takes a village to raise a child” is still thrown around, but in this modern world ‘the village’ no longer exists. Grandparents are working to an older age restricting their availability to help, and women often have babies at an older age meaning grandparents are older and less energetic when it comes to being hands on. We live further away from our families as job opportunities relocate us. This is why the support of a postnatal doula is an ever growing popular choice for parents.
Unlike a regular doula that supports through the birth, a postnatal doula focuses on life with the baby; helping to prepare for it and being an extra pair of hands through the early weeks and months of parenting.
As a postnatal doula, I regularly support parents in getting rest and a calmer home by using all the means described. I look after the parents and nurture them during this vulnerable time. I am passionate about nutrition playing a part in rebuilding the woman’s body, so regularly cook healthy dishes - ensuring a hot meal is ready on the stove and leaving the fridge stocked full of food, ready to grab one-handed. I become an extra pair of hands to help tidy and do all the extra washing those tiny humans make. I become a listening ear to soundboard things to, walking alongside the woman on her journey into motherhood holding no judgements or opinions.
So if you are expecting a baby, this Valentines day show yourself some self-love and look at booking a postnatal doula.
@mama_jojo_postnatal
