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I failed, but I’m not a failure.

I failed, but I’m not a failure.
Dear Lenny,

I've lost my mojo, my house is a complete mess, I'm just very lost?!


I was saddened to receive this message but so very pleased that my dear friend reached out. We have all been there, struggling with overwhelm and not knowing where to start. I have so much to say on this subject, especially about asking for and accepting help....full length article incoming...but for the moment, my darling I would urge you to read our Shine Squad Stories and learn how our team of ambassadors cope with overwhelm, one of their approaches might resonate with you. I would also urge you to read a note from psychotherapist Anna Mathur that struck a chord with me - just because our homes can be a mess from time to time does not mean we are mess.

I failed, but I'm not a failure
The other day I was sat on the bathroom floor, after being demanded to accompany one of my kids to the toilet. Her sibling walked in and said ‘You are stinky’. To which she replied ‘I’m not stinky, my poo is stinky’.
I smiled, and wrote it down as soon as I could so that I would remember it forever. Isn’t it true that often we label ourselves, when actually the label only belongs to a little part of us, or a behaviour? We might say ‘I’m a failure’, when actually, we just got one thing wrong.
We might say I’m a rubbish mum, when actually we just forgot it was mufti day at school because we’re juggling too much. It’s a powerful thing to keep speaking these half-truths to ourselves, whether verbally in the quiet of our minds. Each time, it reaffirms a narrative, it shames and shapes our sense of self.
So, next time you find yourself labelling yourself, or someone labels you, stop and think of that little exchange between my kids. You are not bad, you maybe did a bad thing, but YOU are not bad. You are not a failure, perhaps you failed at something, but YOU are not a failure. This little tweak has powerful repercussions over time.

If you feel that you may need some mental health support, please contact your GP.

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